Mindhunter is undeniably one of the most interesting and unique shows that the entire television landscape has to offer at the moment. This David Fincher helmed crime drama is quite unlike anything that we’ve seen before, and although it’s a fictionalized version of real life American history it feels like something that has never really been done before either.
The stories themselves are fascinating, but the element of Mindhunter that keeps most people’s attention is it’s cast of characters. Most of them are based on real people, and watching the development of the Behavioral Science Unit through the eyes of the agents that created it as well as the killers that they interviewed gives the audience a lot of very intriguing material to watch. However, if these fictionalized versions of real people went to the fictional magical school Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, which Hogwarts houses would the sorting hat have put each of them into?
Jim Barney - Gryffindor
It’s pretty rare that anyone can live up to the stereotype of a good cop who is always bravely trying to do the right thing, but Agent Jim Barney is one of the few that actually measures up to the hype. Barney is an FBI agent at the local Atlanta office who works together with Holden Ford in an effort to catch the notorious Atlanta child murderer.
Barney has a much better understanding of the world they’re working in than Holden does, but it is in large part Barney’s efforts that lead to the capture and arrest of Wayne Williams. He’s brave, bold, and badass, so clearly meant for Gryffindor.
Wayne Williams - Slytherin
Wayne Williams is a disgusting monster in the skin of a regular human being, and he is the kind of guy who is just a Slytherin through and through. And it’s not because he’s evil, but it’s because he’s arrogant.
Too arrogant for his own good, in fact. Williams seems to think he’s smarter and better than everyone, and while he did manage to avoid being detected and caught for quite a long time, it was his assumption that he could talk his way out of anything and come up with an excuse that people would believe that was ultimately his downfall.
Dennis Rader - Ravenclaw
There are very few people in this world that everyone would unanimously agree is evil incarnate, but Dennis Rader is undoubtedly one of those people. The BTK Killer was active in Kansas for years, and during his killing years as well as for years afterwards it’s true that he did send a lot of teasing messages to the police and to the local media.
His darkness is undeniable, but it’s also undeniable that he did actually manage to evade the hundreds of people who were looking for him for decades, which is why he probably would have wound up in Ravenclaw.
Gregg Smith - Hufflepuff
Gregg Smith is a Mindhunter character that is easy to overlook, since he’s basically just the other guy in the room when Dr. Carr, Holden, and Tench are having their moments of genius. But Gregg is the fourth member of the Behavioral Science Unit, and he is clearly in the job because of his belief in doing the right thing.
His belief is so strong in fact that he blows the whistle on Holden when he behaves inappropriately in an interview, but he doesn’t do it to save himself or throw Holden under the bus, he does what he believes is right and is willing to deal with the consequences along with everyone else. So, a classic Hufflepuff.
Ed Kemper - Slytherin
Honestly, had Ed Kemper not essentially turned himself in then there is a real possibility that he would have been able to get away with his crimes, or at least talk his way out of them like he did after he killed his grandparents. Ed is an intelligent guy, but what sets him apart from the crowd is his impressive cunning.
He knows exactly what to say and how to behave around certain people, and he’s very good at manipulating people, even those that are smarter than he is. Ed Kemper would feel right at home in house Slytherin at Hogwarts.
Debbie Mitford - Gryffindor
Holden Ford’s season one girlfriend Debbie Mitford is undoubtedly cleverer than most of the people who would wind up in house Ravenclaw, however her personality just seems like it’s better suited to house Gryffindor. Debbie is very bold and sure of herself, and she’s not ever the type to back down from anyone else.
She spends most of her screen time on the series with Holden, a man who spends his days interviewing some of the most terrifying murderers in human history, and Holden sincerely seems like he’s more intimidated by Debbie than he is by people like Ed Kemper and Jerry Brudos.
Nancy Tench - Hufflepuff
Nancy Tench is a character who does not belong anywhere near the world of psychotic serial killers, and everyone knows it. She’s a kind and loving woman who is a great support system for her husband Bill and their son Brian, and her biggest concern seems to be the happiness and safety of the people that she loves.
Her kindness is her most prominent personality trait, and if she were to attend Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry she would undoubtedly feel at home with the Hufflepuffs. They’re not flashy or arrogant, and they value loyalty to one another and getting along with each other above everything else.
Wendy Carr - Ravenclaw
Some characters are the kind of people who would be well suited to a few different houses at Hogwarts, but Wendy Carr is such a Ravenclaw that it would almost be beneficial to her if she were put into another house and forced to expand her horizons a bit.
Wendy is pretty much an intellectual genius, and she values intellectual pursuits over nearly anything else. And even in instances where most people would be having an emotional reaction to something, Wendy excels at separating herself from her feelings and analyzing people and situations from a purely mental and intellectual angle.
Bill Tench - Gryffindor
If the main trio at the Behavioral Science Unit were three parts of the same whole then Wendy would probably be the mind, Holden would be the soul, and Bill Tench would be the heart.
Bill understands the value that the Behavioral Science Unit can bring to investigations of heinous crimes, but unlike Wendy he can’t really separate his thoughts from his feelings, and unlike Holden he feels repulsed instead of fascinated by the people that they interview. Bill would be a superstar in any one of the houses at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, but he has the bold and brave heart of a Gryffindor lion.
Holden Ford - Ravenclaw
Holden Ford would actually be a very interesting addition to the Ravenclaw house at Hogwarts. He is undoubtedly a good fit for Ravenclaw because he is an exceptionally smart person, but he could also learn a lot from a Ravenclaw education because he often times mistakes his instincts or lucky guesses as intelligence.
He is someone who believes that he’s separating his thoughts from his feelings, but it’s plainly evident to everyone around him that he’s almost doing the opposite. His excitement and arrogance can sometimes take precedence over his academic and intellectual rigor, and his work would be much better if he could distinguish between the two.
