Haley Dunphy (now Marshall) is the eldest of the three Dunphy children on ABC sitcom Modern Family. She often gets a bad rep. Self-centered, focused on her looks, and with little interest in education, she struggled through school. While she was always popular, she sat in her younger genius sister Alex’s shadow and always feared she was a disappointment to her parents.
Despite her insecurities, Haley is confident in herself, especially her good looks, and her ability to pull one over on her parents throughout her rebellious phases, which lasted through much of her teens and even into her 20s. But she loves her family and would do anything for them. And despite constantly ribbing her sister (who gives it back ten-fold through condescending comments about Haley’s intelligence), they always stick together.
As we look at this image-conscious young woman who loves shopping, fashion, and doing nothing whenever the opportunity presents itself, here are some of her best quotes from the series.
Her Idea of a Pep Talk
“You’re obviously going to get into one of those snooty schools, and sometimes you’re gonna come in second. Or fourth. Or maybe even tenth. But you’re gonna dust yourself off, maybe put on some lipstick for once, and keep going.”
Haley always knows how to throw shade, even when she doesn’t mean to. This idea of a pep talk for her nerdy younger sister Alex when she’s heading off to university alludes to her sister’s Plain Jane looks and lack of fashion sense. It perfectly describes Haley and her priorities, even though she means well and really does love her sister.
On Being Hot
“If it were easy, everyone would be hot.”
Haley is very confident in herself, particularly when it comes to her exterior appearance, as she knows full well that she’s a catch and a looker. The pretty and rebellious young woman isn’t exactly the sharpest tool in the shed. But she has her strengths and uses them to her advantage whenever she can.
Her Love of Gossip
“Sexy people go crazy too you know. Read a People magazine.”
Like any teenage girl, even though Haley is now in her 20s on the series, she still loves the same things teenage girls would, like gossip magazines. Her idea of news is entertainment news. So for her, finding out what The Kardashians are doing and what celebrity is having issues this week is far more interesting to her than what’s going on in the real world.
Another One on Being Hot
“With great hotness comes great responsibility.”
Yes, most of Haley’s best lines are either witty retorts directed at her sister, comments about her mother (who shared a similarly rebellious stage when she was young as well), or related to her good looks and the importance she places on them.
Showcasing Her Ditzy Side
“Wait, is fire weather?”
As noted, Haley isn’t the smartest of the Dunphy children, and she can be a bit airheaded at times. While she lacks book smarts, though, she has street smarts. That said, sometimes things come out of her mouth that make you think back to the dimwitted Chrissy on the classic comedy Three’s Company. This statement about fire is just one such example of many.
On Her Laziness
“Look, I have no problem drinking. I can literally do it standing on my head. But A, not with my parents. Plus, also I needed to stay sharp because they were obviously up to something and I was in no mood. I barely got 10 hours of sleep last night.”
Now in her 20s, Haley still lives at home and went through a stage of failing out of school, then struggling to find or keep a job as she figured out what to do with her life. She tried her hand at social media influencing, then eventually snagged a good job that played to her strengths in the fashion world for a wacky lifestyle brand. But she’s not the type to cook, clean, or do much of anything unless she really has to. So this comment about “barely getting 10 hours of sleep” perfectly describes her attitude towards life. Because she really thinks that 10 hours of sleep is just not enough.
Her Lack of Intelligence
“Went to college at a place called MIT.” (Alex: “M.I.T.”) “I know how to spell it.”
Haley isn’t stupid, but she is often mocked by the family when she doesn’t pick up on jokes or doesn’t understand things completely. So when her sister condescendingly corrects her pronunciation of “MIT” when she calls it “mitt,” she automatically thinks Alex is trying to imply that she can’t spell the word. No doubt the response was followed up by one of Alex’s signature eye rolls at her sister’s lack of intelligence.
Her Warped Philosophies
“Saying nothing is not lying. It’s letting the truth speak for itself.”
Haley makes her own rules sometimes and comes up with her own philosophies on life to justify her misdeeds or wrongdoings. In this case, she tries to convince herself that by not telling someone anything, she is actually telling them the truth. Not sure this would hold up in court, but she’s certainly committed to her warped ways of thinking, as long as they work to her advantage.
Her Love of Social Media
“Ugh! I need Instagram to know there’s still beauty in the world!”
Often found with her head in her phone, texting friends, taking selfies, or posting to social media in an attempt to get followers, Haley truly sees the world through a social media lens. To her, she needs to look at gorgeous pics on Instagram to see the beauty of the world. Instead of, you know, looking out the front door, or actually visiting beautiful places IRL.
Her Focus on Makeup
“That’s a library? I thought it was a church for a religion that didn’t allow makeup.”
Haley would never be caught dead without make-up, though that might change once she gives birth to her twins before the series ends after its upcoming 11th season. But not only does this line show that she has zero interest in ever stepping foot into a library (and probably never has), but that she views the people who go there as Plain Janes (just like her sister) who must be going for some other godly reason than just to (gasp) read books!
Her Love of Men
“This country’s number one export is hot surfers. I’m not gonna buy the first one I see, I’m still browsing.”
Haley has always been boy crazy, dating a string of guys throughout her teenage years on the show and into adulthood. They range from the ditzy Dylan, who is now her husband, to the older weatherman, the proper British science professor, and even the “manny,” nanny to her uncle, the son of her grandfather and his wife. This line, spoken during a family trip to Australia after an attractive man walks by, demonstrates her love of the male form and desire to use her hotness to gain their attention.
